Great article by Marshall Goldsmith about his recent attendance at a fundraiser where he got to sit next to Bono. The gist of Mr. Goldsmith’s recap of this event is that Bono is a “…wonderful example of a person who has not only changed his behavior but also his identity, or definition of who he is–while remaining authentic and not becoming a phony.” He goes on to examine how people can be very self limiting in their definition of themselves. But what I got out of it is that relationships, like the people in them, naturally evolve. The challenge is when people evolve at different rates, which is probably the case 99.9% of the time.
One of the questions we get a lot is, “You guys paint a pretty picture of a relationship, but what happens after the honeymoon is over?” From what we can gather, some couples’ honeymoon period lasts no longer than the week in Maui, but there are plenty of examples of those couples who keep it fresh throughout their entire relationship.
I think what people are really asking here is: “What happens when my ‘Significant-Other’ changes?” In my vast experience as a friend-to-many and a casual observer of more-than-many relationships, I will tell you that the person doing the asking is more often than not in a non-communicative phase of their relationship. Otherwise they would have a deeper connection with their partner and would understand the WHY of the change.
Both partners in the relationship need to take responsiblity for communicating. You can’t take offense or be judgemental because he/she didn’t read your mind. So pay attention, don’t be shy about sharing your feelings and for goodness sakes, evolve, grow and become a better person–just don’t leave your partner behind.
-Curt
